"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Love Hurts

Love hurts, love scars, love wounds
And mars, any heart
Not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts……ooh, ooh love hurts

Nazareth

Ouch that hurt. The Hunter has been whispering in my ear for a couple of days about his desire for a threesome. The ultimate experience for him would be for me to fuck him with the strap on while he fucks another girl. He envisions a unison of thrusting and it turns him on. To get to that point, he is willing for baby steps of just having someone in the room and working up to it. He has talked about swingers clubs, and we read an article on what’s in the area.

We may have found Maggie’s limit. It doesn’t interest me right now. I have told him “not yet” and continue to say that I need more time for our relationship to deepen. Last night for about the third night in a row he begins spinning his story and telling me of his fantasy for this. Now I feel like he’s pushing and I am uncomfortable. I tell him that I need a minimum of 30 days before I will consider it again. He says fine.

He has found a girl. He fucked her awhile ago and she was part of a group of friends that would go out dancing. He has apparently spoken to her about joining us. She is bisexual and horny because she’s having a dry spell according to him. He finds her after my request for time.

With this reality facing me, I realize that I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to take this new relationship and subject it to this situation. I have no idea how it will go. What if threesomes become a regular request by the Hunter? How would I feel about that? I don’t want them to occur in my house which is a good indication of how I feel about the situation.

Plus let’s examine the Hunter’s behavior. He openly says he gets an idea or fantasy in his head early in the day and then spends the day thinking about it. This also means he is thinking about how best to get inside my head with this idea. When he wants to chat about these sexual fantasies, we smoke a little pot because he likes me a little high (which leads to me being horny). I can clearly see his groundwork and strategy in this. Yes, I see his attempts to manipulate me.

Last night I was a bit sad because I wonder if the great sex that pulled us so close will eventually drive us apart. This pressure for a threesome has thrown up a guard for me. Last night while we were fucking on the patio (his new favorite place), he was pounding on me. The full length of his dick was in me and while I like that and can handle it for awhile, eventually it’s too much, so I need to shift positions to something more comfortable.

It was a new dynamic. First, I let him know that I would be needing a change. In a sexy way. I said, “Baby, you are pounding me so hard I can’t take it much longer. You are fucking me so hard.” Now to me that is clearly a wrap up signal. He continues. I repeat. He continues. I have to stop everything because, shit, my pussy couldn’t take it. He is a bit astonished, but we quickly regroup in a more comfortable position to me and he comes hard and he’s very satisfied.

Then he tells me that I wimped out on him. That I have taken more in the past. He says it teasingly but says it nonetheless. I tell him to remember that this is a pussy that is still in recovery. Yep, the doctor switched up my meds based on the lab results, so it is still not 100%. His comment on the heels of our threesome conversation stung. I know why he said it. He said it because that’s one of his reasons behind a threesome. When I need a break and he wants to keep going, he would have the other chick to keep fucking. He has said that to me.

So post-sex, I am not blissful Maggie. I am Maggie with a lot on her mind. I need space and time to think about him, some complicated work issues, some money issues and a host of other things on my mind. I didn’t get a great release for our sex. It was good, but not the “forget everything” sex I am accustomed to with him.

We go inside and take a shower together. I am not feeling as connected as I usually do. My thoughts are swirling. As I said, there is a lot on my mind, so being in the moment is tough. Particularly since I am feeling pressured for the threesome. We go back to the patio to hang out and he is smoking more pot. Then he says, “can I take the girl to a motel and fuck her?” Just like that. Just like that I am filled with hurt. I am devastated. Tears spring to my eyes. I am not enough.

He sees that this upset me. He backs off immediately and apologizes.
He goes further with his apology by getting sexy and going down on me. He’s very good, but I wasn’t in that moment either. I didn’t cum. He was remorseful all evening.

This morning he asked for a question to discuss. We do this often. I asked him if a monogamous relationship is enough for him. He answers “Yes!’ Then he calls. I tell him I feel like I’m disappointing him. That I feel like I’m not enough for him. He is so contrite. He reassures me that I am but also tells me that he’ll put all this aside to never be discussed again. I feel like I’m repressing him. He doesn’t see it that way. It’s all part of being in a relationship. The give and take. I’m teary. He eases my hurt with his words of love and then he nails it. “I need to honor our relationship the same way I have asked you to respect it.”

He feels pressure to keep things fresh in the bedroom. He would like to see a foursome sometime but whatever. He loves what we have. He thinks about sex constantly and perhaps it is because of what I have unleashed within him. So we will continue to talk and I’ll hopefully calm down. He loves me for who I am and he has told me that I’m not letting him down. In fact, he later tells me he is pleased that I am not into this because to him it tells him I will be faithful and won’t cheat on him.

I need to tell myself that I am worthy and I deserve what I want. I can’t let anyone pressure me. He loves the fact that I am submissive to him in bed and never reject him. He is very happy with me or so he tells me. I just need to believe him. But for the first time, the Hunter wounded me and I was surprised by the pain. Let’s see how things proceed with his sexual longings and our reality.

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Comments on: "Love Hurts" (12)

  1. Well, I take a few things from this post.
    1) You’re in love. That’s why it hurts. If you weren’t you wouldn’t care much about what he did or said. I’m not sure you were actually aware of it, but if not, that is your cue. And that is good 🙂

    2) You are right, you don’t have to be pressured into anything. You are entitled to your own wants and limits.

    3) Is it possible that the Cyalis, in helping him stay hard, makes him think he has to keep going? You know, through basic, yet warped, association “I’m hard therefore I’m horny”? Could he possibly do without the Cyalis if he smoked less?

    4) I didn’t follow your story from the beginning, but did your ex cheat on you? Could this be why you feel like if he wants other sexual interactions, it means that you’re not enough for him? Because it doesn’t really, but I can see why it could feel that way!

    5) After my experience at the spa and with the Healer, I can tell you that if you’re not ready for a three-some, it’s probably not going to be a good experience for you or for him. The Healer wasn’t and it ruined the experience for me. And I saw at the spa this lady who was there for the first time and was afraid even to sit down on the bed next to the Dancer. Forget about doing anything or having anything done to her. You need to really feel it for it to be a good experience.

    6) Would it be more appealing to you if the other lady were to fuck him with the strap-on and he were fucking you? I know that, for some, seeing your lover taking someone else completely (vaginal penetration) can be upsetting. Just like, for a man, it may be upsetting to see her taken by someone else.

    7) Could the problem be that his fantasy revolves solely around him and his pleasure? From what you describe here, there is not much for you in it. It doesn’t look like you’re too thrilled at the idea of sharing him and there is no mention either of him sharing her with you. Or of the two women interacting. To me, that would be unappealing. To others, the idea of even touching a woman may be revulsing.

    8) Is the idea of being naked and possibly touching another woman during the sexual act turning you off? I know that being with another man turned the Healer off. He wouldn’t even kiss me because I’d sucked the Italian’s cock… I can understand it, yet I wished I’d known before, as that was probably the worst part of the experience, to feel rejected by the one person I had a connection with while being fucked by the person who couldn’t care less about me. So the fantasy turned sour for me. The Hunter needs to understand that…

    9) Does he have previous multiple partner experiences?

    You need to talk about these things. To explain where you come from, what this stirs in you, why you feel so uncomfortable. And you need to do so calmly, with no pressure to actually go through with it. The fact that there was no pressure to perform for me at the spa probably helped make it the great experience it was. The fact that there was an expectation of what would happen at mine with the Healer and the Italian on the other hand probably didn’t help.

    Good luck 🙂
    XO

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow, thank you, Dawn, for all your thoughts here. Let me work through them. First, I agree. I am in love with the Hunter and he with me. These words have been exchanged and we say them frequently. That is a huge step for me. I have let my guard down completely with him. That’s why I got stung on this issue.

      I don’t think the Cyalis is an issue here. It’s a choice, like smoking pot, but he doesn’t need it. It’s fun because his dick gets rock hard. I haven’t considered your thought of “my dick is hard, therefore I am horny”. You may have a point there …. He loves to fuck, regardless.

      My ex never, insofar as I know, never really cheated on me. Nothing that would have been lasting or that hurt me.

      I know that I need to be 110% on board with a threesome or another couple, otherwise it will be a fiasco. This is his fantasy so obviously it would be centered on his wants, right? He wants me to fuck him because he trusts me. I am hesitant about that approach. I would prefer to be the girl being fucked. I am, theroretically, OK with another woman touching me, kissing her, maybe some touching. I don’t know if I would go down on her…

      He has had threesomes with two women many years ago. It lasted off and on for several months. After I wrote this, we talked again. When he realized I was hurt, he has completely taken it off the table. He considers the topic closed. I appreciate it and the pressure is off completely…..for now? We’ll see.

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  2. Tread carefully, MM. This has been a pretty quick jump into full-blown relationship mode. Is it possible you still have some trust issues here, and he might not be who you think he is in that regard? In the meantime, maybe he should ease up on the Cialis–no woman needs to be pounded for long periods of time. Submission only goes so far.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m not sure I can agree with you on the last part of your comment…
      I know that I can take a lot of pounding for a long time, and enjoy it, as long as there are some short periods of respite in between.
      I would go as far as to say that I need to be fucked because it makes me feel alive, after having been simply living for more than 2 decades. This said, I’ve never experienced he cyalis, so I don’t speak from experience in that regard. Just on the ‘enjoying sex for extended periods of time” part 🙂

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    • I agree with you completely. This has activated my radar particularly due to the rapid pace of this relationship. I don’t think “trust issues” are unreasonable at this stage since we have only been dating for less than 2 months and living together for less than 2 weeks. It’s a bit crazy.

      What was interesting is what happened after we talked about my feelings on this. First, he closed the conversation. It is 100% off the table. We had the chats by phone during the work day. He didn’t come home immediately from work. My housekeeper’s presence compounded his reluctance to come home. Instead he took a walk in the woods to think — he posted pictures on FB so I saw where he was and his post, “When the mind isn’t right, head to the woods!”

      We are back to status quo. Last night we had a check-in. Anything driving the other nutty? Plus we talked about the sex. He understands that I have limits and we discussed limits for both of us. It appears we have come out the other side intact and perhaps with a deepening relationship. Time will tell.

      Liked by 3 people

  3. Glad the situation changed from the beginning of the pair until the end. I was starting to tear up with you.

    Why do men get so fixated on the threesome? Every single man I have ever met after my separation seems to want one and tell me because I am so sexually open minded. But it goes straight to my head with the “I’m not enough”. I will say that even Bobby, when we discussed it (and he has many many multiple partner experiences) said that it would be better to put me in the driver seat for a threesome with two men…or a full swap…before MFF threesome. And had never brought it up since, making me very comfortable because the idea or thought is stirring in my own mind without any added pressure. I’m glad the Hunter backed off but i agree with you it’s not an entirely dead conversation.

    For now focus on your relationship. I am totally with you that adding in any more is going to be damaging. And I totally agree he tells you what’s on His mind sexually because he does trust your uninhibited way with him…but don’t let him push you. We all have limits that we must respect within ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! I am feeling cynical tonight, so I realistically know that the odds are against him remaining faithful. Once a serial cheater, always a cheater is my thought. I am realizing that forever is a long, long time — perhaps as long as my previous 25-year marriage, so for now I just take it one day, one fuck at a time. Besides, my name is the only one on the lease and it’s going to stay that way.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. […] us for 100% monogamy, but as I told him I will be hurt nonetheless.  The Hunter said that he has quashed his freaky side and tucked it away, so I have nothing to worry about […]

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  5. […] back to a brief conversation we had last night. He hinted about the threesome again. How he had to crank down his freak side. How our marathon sex sessions have waned. How he won’t mind-fuck me anymore because if his […]

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