Love hurts, love scars, love wounds
And mars, any heart
Not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts……ooh, ooh love hurts
Ouch that hurt. The Hunter has been whispering in my ear for a couple of days about his desire for a threesome. The ultimate experience for him would be for me to fuck him with the strap on while he fucks another girl. He envisions a unison of thrusting and it turns him on. To get to that point, he is willing for baby steps of just having someone in the room and working up to it. He has talked about swingers clubs, and we read an article on what’s in the area.
We may have found Maggie’s limit. It doesn’t interest me right now. I have told him “not yet” and continue to say that I need more time for our relationship to deepen. Last night for about the third night in a row he begins spinning his story and telling me of his fantasy for this. Now I feel like he’s pushing and I am uncomfortable. I tell him that I need a minimum of 30 days before I will consider it again. He says fine.
He has found a girl. He fucked her awhile ago and she was part of a group of friends that would go out dancing. He has apparently spoken to her about joining us. She is bisexual and horny because she’s having a dry spell according to him. He finds her after my request for time.
With this reality facing me, I realize that I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to take this new relationship and subject it to this situation. I have no idea how it will go. What if threesomes become a regular request by the Hunter? How would I feel about that? I don’t want them to occur in my house which is a good indication of how I feel about the situation.
Plus let’s examine the Hunter’s behavior. He openly says he gets an idea or fantasy in his head early in the day and then spends the day thinking about it. This also means he is thinking about how best to get inside my head with this idea. When he wants to chat about these sexual fantasies, we smoke a little pot because he likes me a little high (which leads to me being horny). I can clearly see his groundwork and strategy in this. Yes, I see his attempts to manipulate me.
Last night I was a bit sad because I wonder if the great sex that pulled us so close will eventually drive us apart. This pressure for a threesome has thrown up a guard for me. Last night while we were fucking on the patio (his new favorite place), he was pounding on me. The full length of his dick was in me and while I like that and can handle it for awhile, eventually it’s too much, so I need to shift positions to something more comfortable.
It was a new dynamic. First, I let him know that I would be needing a change. In a sexy way. I said, “Baby, you are pounding me so hard I can’t take it much longer. You are fucking me so hard.” Now to me that is clearly a wrap up signal. He continues. I repeat. He continues. I have to stop everything because, shit, my pussy couldn’t take it. He is a bit astonished, but we quickly regroup in a more comfortable position to me and he comes hard and he’s very satisfied.
Then he tells me that I wimped out on him. That I have taken more in the past. He says it teasingly but says it nonetheless. I tell him to remember that this is a pussy that is still in recovery. Yep, the doctor switched up my meds based on the lab results, so it is still not 100%. His comment on the heels of our threesome conversation stung. I know why he said it. He said it because that’s one of his reasons behind a threesome. When I need a break and he wants to keep going, he would have the other chick to keep fucking. He has said that to me.
So post-sex, I am not blissful Maggie. I am Maggie with a lot on her mind. I need space and time to think about him, some complicated work issues, some money issues and a host of other things on my mind. I didn’t get a great release for our sex. It was good, but not the “forget everything” sex I am accustomed to with him.
We go inside and take a shower together. I am not feeling as connected as I usually do. My thoughts are swirling. As I said, there is a lot on my mind, so being in the moment is tough. Particularly since I am feeling pressured for the threesome. We go back to the patio to hang out and he is smoking more pot. Then he says, “can I take the girl to a motel and fuck her?” Just like that. Just like that I am filled with hurt. I am devastated. Tears spring to my eyes. I am not enough.
He sees that this upset me. He backs off immediately and apologizes.
He goes further with his apology by getting sexy and going down on me. He’s very good, but I wasn’t in that moment either. I didn’t cum. He was remorseful all evening.
This morning he asked for a question to discuss. We do this often. I asked him if a monogamous relationship is enough for him. He answers “Yes!’ Then he calls. I tell him I feel like I’m disappointing him. That I feel like I’m not enough for him. He is so contrite. He reassures me that I am but also tells me that he’ll put all this aside to never be discussed again. I feel like I’m repressing him. He doesn’t see it that way. It’s all part of being in a relationship. The give and take. I’m teary. He eases my hurt with his words of love and then he nails it. “I need to honor our relationship the same way I have asked you to respect it.”
He feels pressure to keep things fresh in the bedroom. He would like to see a foursome sometime but whatever. He loves what we have. He thinks about sex constantly and perhaps it is because of what I have unleashed within him. So we will continue to talk and I’ll hopefully calm down. He loves me for who I am and he has told me that I’m not letting him down. In fact, he later tells me he is pleased that I am not into this because to him it tells him I will be faithful and won’t cheat on him.
I need to tell myself that I am worthy and I deserve what I want. I can’t let anyone pressure me. He loves the fact that I am submissive to him in bed and never reject him. He is very happy with me or so he tells me. I just need to believe him. But for the first time, the Hunter wounded me and I was surprised by the pain. Let’s see how things proceed with his sexual longings and our reality.