I was feeling insecure
You might not love me anymore
I was shivering inside
I was shivering inside
Oh I didn’t mean to hurt you
I’m sorry that I made you cry
Oh my I didn’t want to hurt you
I’m just a jealous guy
I think I have figured out a key to the Hunter’s mind and why we had these two kerfuffles early in our dating. He is fighting that green-eyed monster of jealousy. This popped into my head as I told him yesterday I was making plans to attend a conference in June. He made a comment about me behaving and not getting into trouble again. That’s when I realized that he gets jealous and this is how it pokes it’s ugly head.
For a woman who isn’t the best communicator, I am quite proud of myself for catching this and immediately discussing it. As we talked about it, it dawned on me that he needs more positive verbal reinforcement of my attraction to him. I should know this because we both did the test on the Five Languages of Love and he scored high on Words of Affirmation (tied with Acts of Kindness). His highest score was on Physical Touch – no surprise there!
Let me back up for a moment. The Hunter is willing to do these analyses. Oh boy, have I found myself a winner here. I could probably Cosmo test the guy to death, but I am trying to moderate myself. We both did this test on the 5 languages of love. My highest score is Physical Touch followed by Acts of Service and then Words of Affirmation. His high Words of Affirmation score presents a challenge for me. I’m not strong on communicating and tend to keep my emotions to myself.
But getting back to his jealousy and my upcoming conference, we kept the conversation going about this verbal reinforcement need. I told him that I now recognize that as much as he needs and wants the touch/physical from me, he craves the verbal. What I left unsaid was that I recognize that this is even more important due to our unique disparity situation because it causes justifiable insecurity in him. He wants to know that I adore him for more than the outstanding sex. So in order to give him peace of mind, I need to use my words and tell him how much I care for him as a person and a man.
This is a change for me because I prefer to keep my emotions in check and keep my cards close to the vest. I don’t always feel comfortable being vulnerable by expressing my feelings. I hold them in check as I wait for something bad to occur because surely all this is too good to be true. My inner rationale is that if I don’t express my feelings and things go to shit, than I haven’t made a fool of myself, right? Wrong. I could lose the Hunter over this lack of expression because it isn’t tapping into his need for Words of Affirmation. I am realizing that there is nothing but upside in better communication and that has become clearly evident over the past couple of days.
This week is my son’s Spring Break from college. He spent half of it with his dad visiting his sister and skiing, but he’s spending the second half with me. My son didn’t know that the Hunter and I are dating until he arrived home, so we are playing it cool and not hooking up while my son is in town. It’s only four days so you would think it wouldn’t be a big deal, but it has been. During this lull while my son visits, we are texting and talking constantly. It has been great because we are opening up more and more with our communication. One of the things we are doing is going through the 36 Questions to Fall in Love. These are the questions featured on a recent Big Bang episode and you end by staring into each other’s eyes for 4-5 minutes. I’m telling you, this guy is really game!
Yes, it should be done face-to-face, but we are using them for conversation starters. It’s a lot of fun. I’m learning more about him and myself. Sometimes he pops up with his own questions which makes it that much more interesting. I’ll write another post about one conversation in particular that was fascinating. In the meantime, tonight my son, the Hunter and I are having dinner. My son and I requested authentic ethnic cuisine so we are going to a hole in the wall spot in the Hunter’s neighborhood. He asked if my son could drive and he’ll bring me home later….oh boy…..