"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Darlin’ you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I’ll be here ’til the end of time
So you got to let me know
Should I stay or should I go?

It’s always tease tease tease
You’re happy when I’m on my knees
One day is fine and next is black
So if you want me off your back
Well come on an’ let me know
Should I Stay or should I go?

The Clash

The Hunter broke up with me on Tuesday in the middle of a very chaotic day for me. I am speeding along a freeway at breakneck speed from one failed appointment to a huge luncheon. I have told him that my day is crazy yet he wants to have a serious discussion about our relationship. I struggle to give him the attention and time that such a conversation deserves, and my answers were honest, but I repeatedly mentioned that I needed more time to think things through. The discussion mainly revolved around my level of commitment and his anxiety that I would end up cheating on him.

So he broke up with me on the phone followed by a break-up text. WTF. Really? Right before I walk into a luncheon with 80 of my peers. My luncheon was followed by a series of meetings with a new client so my brain had to be in full work mode for the rest of the day.
Here’s his break-up text:

Maggie, I don’t think words can describe what I’m feeling now. I think it’s best if we go our separate ways. I enjoyed your company and I want to remember you in a positive way. Please respect my privacy. Take care!

I respond with:

I am hurting but I also completely understand your feelings in this. From the beginning I have been concerned that I would hurt you. I can’t talk or deal with this right now due to work, but I’m upset for many reasons.

By the end of my day, I was done. Done and ready to get my pipeline back in action. Oh yeah, I continued my shitty ways. I was downtown, so I meet up with two girlfriends and I text BG, who comes running. I end up fucking BG in a nearby hotel where I spent the night there while he returned home. Not my finest moment. I laid in bed beside BG and thought that sex with the Hunter was superlatively better. I was very quiet post-coitus. I compared and contrasted the two guys with the Hunter coming out on top in some things and BG winning in a few ways, but at the end of the day, the Hunter had more points. Fuck, what am I doing?

As I get up, put my suit back on so I can slide home through the commuters, I get a text from the Hunter. Are you kidding me?

Good morning, Maggie. I decided to contact you to just say a few things. I racked my brain trying to make sense of what’s happened between us. I’m still wondering what the heck happened!! Believe me or not I’m still very much in your grip, and find myself thinking of you quite often. As much as I would love to be a happy couple together, I am not sure you feel the same. You said yesterday you were “hurting for many reasons” this reminded me of my own struggles and how I dealt with them. I hope you find the answers you need and find some comfort with yourself. I will miss holding you, kissing you and expressing my affection for you. I will also miss seeing your name on my phone when you call and hearing my voice. These were things that kept me happy. Take care of yourself and be good. Hunter

Then he texts me a photo of a rose followed with this:

I really miss you Maggie. I know I’ll eventually move on but I do really miss you.

My phone rings. It’s the Hunter. Now I am starting to get a bit annoyed with the drama. Seriously, this is becoming drama-filled and I want no part of that. I tell him that there are to be no more texts and no more phone calls. We are going to sit down and discuss this like adults tonight over dinner. That happens tonight. He arrives in 15 minutes. Shit is about to get real.

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Comments on: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" (9)

  1. Well, I am just reading this now. As I said earlier… good luck. Whatever happens, I know it will be the right decision for him and you at this particular moment in time. I did send the positive energy… Hope things work out nicely for both of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hope things went as well as could be expected. Your problem now is you have choices … some women in your shoes would die for those choices. You can choose door #1 (good sex, a married man and no commitment), or door #2 ( great sex with a single guy who needs commitment). But you, of course, at this point in your journey want and need door #3 (great sex and no commitment). The best you can do is hang outside and go in and out both doors #1 and #2 until the latch for door #3 gets freed up.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Very true, Marty. I decided to give this monogamy concept a whirl. The positives are far out-weighing the negatives. I need to relax and let this evolve. It will be interesting to see where this takes me.

      Like

  3. Woah talk about conflicting statements!
    Hope you get it sorted out either way sunshine xo

    Liked by 1 person

  4. […] last post ended with a cliffhanger of a post-breakup dinner with the Hunter to see if we could patch things […]

    Like

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