"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Photograph

Photograph
I don’t want your photograph
I don’t need your photograph
All I’ve got is a photograph, you’ve gone straight to my head

Def Leppard

Karma is a bitch and she has a great sense of humor. Earlier this week with bemusement, I read Ann St. Vincent’s post about how she multi-tasked herself into a panic of possible discovery. Ann’s post has caused the whole Google+ conundrum to circle in the back of my mind. I don’t believe I will have a problem with Gmail because I keep all the accounts separate and I don’t post on my blog from anything other than my laptop, but hey, we are all human like I found out yesterday.

My Achilles Heel is photos. I apparently have quite an exhibitionist streak in me that had gone undetected until recently. This side of me wants to break loose evidently. I need to figure out how the hell to keep my sexy selfies secure. I cannot hand my phone over to anyone to take a photo of me. It causes high anxiety in me because if they hit my camera roll, they will get an eyeful. I use my camera quite a bit for work, so it is a high risk game that I am playing. I got a cold dose of reality about this vulnerability yesterday. Settle back, it’s time for one of Maggie’s stories.

Yesterday I woke up and was listening to Dan Savage’s podcast. The sun was filtering into my room, so the light was soft and beautiful. I had slept in my undies only. The air was deliciously cool, so I was relaxed, feeling sexy and content. What better time to snap a couple of erotic selfies? Hy’s Boobday had inspired me. So I took a few snapshots. Why not? I planned on sharing them later at the appropriate time.

I head off to my hairdresser with my girlfriend for a great afternoon of highlights, haircut and the company of two women I adore. It is the first time my girlfriend is getting her hair done by my young, beautiful, talented stylist. My daughter is at a wedding as a bridesmaid, so she sends me some gorgeous pictures of her and her boyfriend. I am sharing them because my girlfriend and stylist know my daughter. Lovely.

At the same time, I am getting an IM through Facebook’s Messenger from DB. He’s wanting to know if I’m getting any action. As a dating coach, I keep him in the loop. I have become his fantasy fuck so when he’s feeling randy, I’ll get some texts from him. He is handy on occasion so I’ll send him the occasional boob shot. What a perfect time to shoot one over to him! But for some weird technical reason, he can’t see photos on Facebook’s Messenger, so I always have to text them.

I have no idea with the fuck happened. The photo went to my daughter. Oh yes. I couldn’t stop it and watched in horror as it went off to her in cyber world. I begin hysterically laughing. I am beet red, laughing with tears streaming down my face. I am gasping. Unable to speak. The salon (which is thankfully very small) comes to dead quiet. “I just sent my daughter a nude photo”. Their looks were priceless.

Instantly I get a text from my daughter: “I think you just accidentally sent me a picture”.

I respond, “Opps. We are hysterical over here. My bad.”

“Yup”. She answers.

I decide to take ownership for my idiocy. “Soooo sorry. I hope you aren’t traumatized. I am truly horrifically embarrassed.”

“No problem. Love you bunches.”   Now, don’t I have the coolest daughter in the universe?? She continues, “Also, seriously don’t worry about it, better me than someone else!”

I respond, “Right? We are hysterically laughing”

I need to sloooowwww down. Slow the fuck down. Breathe.

So since the exhibitionist in me doesn’t really give a shit and I know you are curious about the photo I sent here. Here it is. Enjoy.

selfie

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Comments on: "Photograph" (18)

  1. That is too funny!! I am sure some day I will end up doing the same thing with my ex or my Dad… And yes I have a firm “no swipe” rule on my phone.

    And I’m curious, what was that karmic retribution for in my case?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Having young children who often decide they want to borrow my phone either to take selfies or to play games… I have a similar problem. And Boob pictures are not the only thing I have on my phone 😉
    What I did was create a few files, one for Hy, one for G and so on, and I try to make sure that I file my pictures as I take them. And so that they don’t show as the first pic in the file (that could be pretty embarrassing too), I snap a picture of my surroundings after I file them and file it above the others (the thumbnail shows the latest pic filed). That way, if my kids want to look at the pics in my gallery, there shouldn’t be any problem… Good luck trying to find the solution that works for you!
    Also, I’m jealous you could tell your friend and hairdresser that you sent a nude pic to anyone. I’m not sure I could own up to even snapping such pics to anyone 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • This particular GF is the only one who knows the “real me” and she reads my blog on occasion. I am expecting a phone call from her at any moment. I have been with my stylist for about 5 years and she is very cool.

      My stylist sent me this text last night, “had a great time with you guys today. I’m glad that X (my daughter) is as cool as you :). LOL. That is an epic story! Keep rocking your sex msg!”

      I am truly blessed!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. OMG I’ve done something similar— sent a group text of a lovely sunset while on vacation to my kids and the guy I’ve been seeing. Unaware it was a group text, he sent me (and them) a very romantic message back. Nothing too naughty, but it totally set my kids off! I had been wondering why my son sent me a text saying, “Mom, it’s private message time!” Turned out my daughter said they thought it was hysterical and it became a bonding moment for them all. NO more group texts for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. omg I am over here laughing out loud too! Thank goodness your daughter is so cool!

    I realized the same kind of thing early on with the icloud and photo sharing…my boys sometimes go into the computer to look at old photos of themselves and would totally be traumatized if they saw all my photos plus all the ones I receive!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. sassygirl40 said:

    Oh my that is hilarious!!!! I had to create a private online album for storing all * those * photos as I was very worried about someone accessing my phone and seeing how I like to use my photography skills. I only ever sent naughty pics to B, and I have to admit that I’m missing that part of our relationship (which seems odd!). My sister and best friend are both aware of my penchant for taking naughty pics and when I would want to show my best friend a pic on my phone she used to always ask “it’s not your ass is it??”
    Glad your daughter took it so well! Cool kid!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Bahahaha your daughter sounds like a great girl 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I see all the womwn are commiserating with you. As the 1st male commenter, however, I’m going to … cough … take a different tack. It don’t care where the pic was sent :), it is truly yummy!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. If you happen to use Android phones then Pocket is a fairly decent app that hides all your dirty pictures and you have to log into it to see them. I think it’s a buck or two and well worth it. A while back I had some guy sending me pictures of his dick and finally I text’d him back and said dude you have a nice joint but I think you’re sending them to the wrong person! LOL

    Like

    • At least I am not alone in my stupidity! Thanks for the app suggestion! I just purchased a photo vault for $5 on my iPhone. It transfers the photos out of my camera roll and stream. So far, so good. Now I am MUCH more comfortable about others handling my phone. Now I gotta control my Match & POF apps.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I’ll need to look into it. I am always a bit worried about my kids handling my phone 😉

      Like

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