Hello–how are you
Have you been alright, through all those lonely nights,
That’s what I’d say, I’d tell you everything,
If you’d pick up that telephone.
Hey–how you feelin’
Are you still the same
Don’t you realize the things we did were all for real not a dream,
I just can’t believe
They’ve all faded out of view.
“Why is it we want the ones who don’t see us instead of the ones who do? “
Hillary Swank from You’re Not You
I have pushed Don Juan into the recesses of my mind but he still pops up even though I am keeping myself busy. When he left on December 4th, I got a quick good-bye text from him. I responded and since then I have sent him two texts and two emails. His response…..none. Sigh.
At first I made excuses. Perhaps he’s not getting texts since he is out of the country. Four days after he left, I sent him the first text which has a link to Guns N’ Roses song, Patience, with a quick hello. The second text was sent this past Sunday morning, 10 days after he left. It simply says:
How was the wedding? I’m sure it was beautiful. It’s Sunday. Just thinking of you – while nursing a horrible cold. LOL.
Keep in mind that we usually get together on Sunday evenings, so there is a significance in Sundays. No response.
I rationalize in my mind that perhaps he is not getting texts right now, so I sent him the following email to his personal email late Sunday evening. This is the email he used when he first contacted me off of Ashley Madison.
Before you left you did two of the most romantic gestures unwittingly and effortlessly. The first was the night you pulled out your guitar and sang to me. I have never had a man do that for me before and I was deeply touched.
The second was when we woke up on Monday morning. I have morning breath, smeared eye liner, my hair is a mess and you tell me that I look lovely– and I knew you meant it. Once again, I was deeply touched.
I hope the wedding was beautiful and that this time with your family is creating more cherished memories. My children arrive this coming weekend, so I will be busy getting ready for them.
But for now, here I sit on Sunday night and realize that I am missing you. Oh, I was miserably sick with a cold all weekend, so perhaps I am more melancholy than usual, but it is true. I miss you and I’m thinking of you.
No response from him. I justify this again by thinking perhaps he isn’t checking his personal email anymore. After all, he has me, so why would he be checking it, right? So I made a holiday greeting email that looks professional – something I would send to clients. In it, I add a personal note at the end that tells him to go check his personal email. This is sent to his work email. To date, a vacuum of silence.
My life is very, very busy. But, there is always a but with me, after four attempts to touch base with him yielding no results, I am done and disappointed. We are at the halfway point of his absence. I have to stop this for several reasons: 1) I don’t want to appear needy 2) if I continue, I will make myself crazy and erode the relationship even further 3) I need to maintain some semblance of dignity and self-respect. It will be interesting to hear what his excuse will be and how I will deal with this.
About the quote – “Why is it we want the ones who don’t see us instead of the ones who do? “ Hillary Swank from You’re Not You. I strongly recommend this movie. It stars Hillary Swank, Emmy Rossum and Josh Duhamel in a very touching movie about a talented woman who has everything and is then stricken with ALS. Emmy Rossum (from Shameless) becomes her aide. You will need a box of tissues and a bottle of wine.