I know she said it’s alright
But you can make it up next time
I know she knows it’s not right
There ain’t no use in lying
Maybe she thinks I know something
Maybe maybe she thinks its fine
Maybe she knows something I don’t
I’m so, I’m so tired, I’m so tired of trying
I wrote a post about my quest – my quest to find romantic love and the journey. Part of this quest will be a cast of characters and HR is part of that cast and part of my journey. So what the hell happened this weekend? It was…weird. Sexually unfulfilling for me. We had great sex moments upon my arrival and that was it except for a non-orgasmic romp this morning. How can a man have a naked woman in his bed for a couple of hours to nap and not touch her? WTF was that? I’m getting ahead of myself perhaps, so let’s settle back for the whole story.
I arrive on Friday night around 6:00. Check out his place – it’s really nice, modest but well-designed and furnished…except no art on any of the walls. I later find out he prefers NOTHING on the walls. Sigh – where’s the lover of beauty? In any case, we start making out on the couch and I escalate it to sex in the bedroom. It’s great. We both really enjoy it. Then we pull on clothes and go out to a fun dinner. It’s a wonderful start to the weekend and we head back to his place. We cuddle and go to sleep because Saturday is an early start. OK, I would have thought another round of sex after dinner, but he’s jetlagged, so I’m cool.
Saturday morning was excellent. We went fishing – I love all things water, so I was extremely happy on a boat (albeit freezing cold) in the water on a beautiful day. Then everything tapered off and the weekend went sideways. We have lunch and we are both tired, so back to his place for a nap. So I crawl under the covers naked – let’s nap and then play. We nap and then he leaves to visit his mom. I fall back asleep.
Now let’s pause for a moment on the mom visit. His mom was moved to a memory care unit and his brother had been texting him to pop over to see her. That was the purpose of this trip, so I can’t begrudge him for taking care of his responsibilities. But her situation is deep inside his head and he came back deep in thought and freaked out about aging, his mom’s situation – deep shit. I get it. Then he has basically a naked stranger in his bed. OK, I get it, but I also got the brunt end of things.
What did I not get? The nice Saturday dinner like he was planning and asked me to bring something nice to wear. Instead, we had pizza, Walmart and a football game on a Saturday night. We were watching football snuggled on the couch and I’m squished on the edge of the couch. It dawns on me during the drive home that this couch snuggling is an analogy for the whole situation: he has little room for me in his life.
Sunday morning we have some sex but neither of us cums. He asks if I brought my toys and to show them to him. I fetch them, he looks….but doesn’t use them on me. WTF. Seriously –that would have been minimal effort on his part with maximum return. That’s when it was time to go home. I pack up, have some coffee and breakfast. We chat some more and I’m out the door.
I have to say that the whole weekend made me a bit teary. OK, I cry over certain commercials, movies, songs – I’m a weeper, so let’s not get overly stressed by my reaction. I did pull over at a very scenic rest area about half an hour after departing so I could catch my breath and jot some thoughts down because this is all part of my quest for crazy, romantic love. Here are some of those notes:
• I like being taken care of. He made me coffee, opened doors (including car doors), paid for everything, carried my suitcase – nice, normal manners, but that’s a must have for me.
• I need someone who talks, shares stories and who doesn’t have long periods of quiet.
• I need someone who fulfills my sexual needs completely.
• Most importantly, I have to watch my romantic side carefully. I do (and this was my fear going into this) project romantic feelings on a budding relationship.
• Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” He wrote to me that he thought our initial meeting would be a one-time thing, but…. And I jumped on the “but” and ignored the first part of the sentence.
Right now, DB is texting me and we are walking through the situation. Thank goodness, I have a very sexual guy’s perspective which is basically, “it’s not you at all, it’s him”. To have a naked, willing woman in the bed and not be all over her is not right, according to DB. His response which make me burst out laughing was that he had sex with his girlfriend the day of his father’s funeral twice and it was outstanding. To each his own and thank goodness for friends.