"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Flake

I know she said it’s alright
But you can make it up next time
I know she knows it’s not right
There ain’t no use in lying
Maybe she thinks I know something
Maybe maybe she thinks its fine
Maybe she knows something I don’t
I’m so, I’m so tired, I’m so tired of trying

Jack Johnson

I wrote a post about my quest – my quest to find romantic love and the journey. Part of this quest will be a cast of characters and HR is part of that cast and part of my journey. So what the hell happened this weekend? It was…weird. Sexually unfulfilling for me. We had great sex moments upon my arrival and that was it except for a non-orgasmic romp this morning. How can a man have a naked woman in his bed for a couple of hours to nap and not touch her? WTF was that? I’m getting ahead of myself perhaps, so let’s settle back for the whole story.

I arrive on Friday night around 6:00. Check out his place – it’s really nice, modest but well-designed and furnished…except no art on any of the walls. I later find out he prefers NOTHING on the walls. Sigh – where’s the lover of beauty? In any case, we start making out on the couch and I escalate it to sex in the bedroom. It’s great. We both really enjoy it. Then we pull on clothes and go out to a fun dinner. It’s a wonderful start to the weekend and we head back to his place. We cuddle and go to sleep because Saturday is an early start. OK, I would have thought another round of sex after dinner, but he’s jetlagged, so I’m cool.

Saturday morning was excellent. We went fishing – I love all things water, so I was extremely happy on a boat (albeit freezing cold) in the water on a beautiful day. Then everything tapered off and the weekend went sideways. We have lunch and we are both tired, so back to his place for a nap. So I crawl under the covers naked – let’s nap and then play. We nap and then he leaves to visit his mom. I fall back asleep.

Now let’s pause for a moment on the mom visit. His mom was moved to a memory care unit and his brother had been texting him to pop over to see her. That was the purpose of this trip, so I can’t begrudge him for taking care of his responsibilities. But her situation is deep inside his head and he came back deep in thought and freaked out about aging, his mom’s situation – deep shit. I get it. Then he has basically a naked stranger in his bed. OK, I get it, but I also got the brunt end of things.

What did I not get? The nice Saturday dinner like he was planning and asked me to bring something nice to wear. Instead, we had pizza, Walmart and a football game on a Saturday night. We were watching football snuggled on the couch and I’m squished on the edge of the couch. It dawns on me during the drive home that this couch snuggling is an analogy for the whole situation: he has little room for me in his life.

Sunday morning we have some sex but neither of us cums. He asks if I brought my toys and to show them to him. I fetch them, he looks….but doesn’t use them on me. WTF. Seriously –that would have been minimal effort on his part with maximum return. That’s when it was time to go home. I pack up, have some coffee and breakfast. We chat some more and I’m out the door.

I have to say that the whole weekend made me a bit teary. OK, I cry over certain commercials, movies, songs – I’m a weeper, so let’s not get overly stressed by my reaction. I did pull over at a very scenic rest area about half an hour after departing so I could catch my breath and jot some thoughts down because this is all part of my quest for crazy, romantic love. Here are some of those notes:
• I like being taken care of. He made me coffee, opened doors (including car doors), paid for everything, carried my suitcase – nice, normal manners, but that’s a must have for me.
• I need someone who talks, shares stories and who doesn’t have long periods of quiet.
• I need someone who fulfills my sexual needs completely.
• Most importantly, I have to watch my romantic side carefully. I do (and this was my fear going into this) project romantic feelings on a budding relationship.
• Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” He wrote to me that he thought our initial meeting would be a one-time thing, but…. And I jumped on the “but” and ignored the first part of the sentence.

Right now, DB is texting me and we are walking through the situation. Thank goodness, I have a very sexual guy’s perspective which is basically, “it’s not you at all, it’s him”. To have a naked, willing woman in the bed and not be all over her is not right, according to DB. His response which make me burst out laughing was that he had sex with his girlfriend the day of his father’s funeral twice and it was outstanding. To each his own and thank goodness for friends.

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Comments on: "Flake" (15)

  1. It’s possible he just can’t reconcile the mother issues and sex thing on the same weekend. Most guys over 50 just can’t seem to get it up on cue, especially with extenuating circumstances. You might not be on his radar enough either. I feel your pain. Either way, don’t think about it; on to the next one. Let him seek you out. You deserve to have what YOU need.

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  2. I would feel unsettled by this as well. I think it’s natural to expect a heady, can’t keep his hands off you experience at least for part of the weekend. I Almost think – well if you can resist me so easily now, it will be terrible later.

    Maybe not fair, but I totally get where you are coming from. I’m sorry it wasn’t more like what you were hoping for!

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  3. I’m a new reader and confused. You’re on a quest to find romantic love but you’re having sex with married men? I’m curious as to how that will work.

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    • Great question and one that i am asking myself. Coming out of a sexless marriage and newly single, i really wanted sex, to be blunt. I wanted to explore my newly awakened libido without the strings of a relationship, so i ended up on Ashley Madison. This adventure has given me a lot to think about, so i have paused. I’ve been off it for a month, but i’m still seeing two guys from it. Will this last? No, but for the short-term it’s addressing my needs. I will be jumping back on a conventional site soon and i think i’m ready to move ahead with my search for a more conventional dating relationship. Thanks for reading.

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  4. I guess the answer should be obvious to me, but I have to ask. You have no moral problem in dating married men? Can’t you have adventures with single men who don’t want a relationship? Seems like there would be plenty to choose from. After my ex and I split, I went through a phase of dating younger men for all the obvious reasons. It was hot! But definitely not something I wanted for the long term.

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    • I was married for 25 years so I realize that marriages are complicated relationships unique to those in it. Having been married for so long, i don’t judge. I also subscribe to Dan Savage’s idea that asking a person to fulfill every need inside a relationship can be asking too much. I am not trying to “steal” these guys or in any way change their relationship with their wife. They make it very clear at the onset that they have no intention of leaving their wife. I respect that and ask no questions – it’s not really my business anyway.

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  5. Ack. How horrid.

    However I’m glad to hear that you walked away from that knowing more about yourself instead of letting his assholeness get to you.

    Good job 🙂

    Here’s to hoping the next one will fit what you need a bit better!

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  6. Yikes! What a switch he’s pulled. I assume you’re gone from this one.

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  7. […] to see if I was hiking that weekend. Now, keep in mind that the previous weekend was the HR fiasco, so now I have this nice guy wanting to hike with me. OK, I’m in, what the hell? But none of […]

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