"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Archive for November, 2014

Something

Something in the way she moves
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way she woos me

I don’t want to leave her now
You know I believe and how

Somewhere in her smile she knows
That I don’t need no other lover
Something in her style that shows me

Don’t want to leave her now
You know I believe and how

You’re asking me will my love grow
I don’t know, I don’t know
You stick around now it may show
I don’t know, I don’t know

Something in the way she knows
And all I have to do is think of her
Something in the things she shows me

Don’t want to leave her now
You know I believe and how

Beatles

Yesterday when I realized that I would be downtown at the end of the day, I texted Don Juan who lives nearby to let him know I would be in the area. He was happy to invite me over. It ended up being a great evening. Don Juan played the guitar and sang to me after our romp. He started with “Up on the Roof” by James Taylor and ended with the song above.

The evening was a sexy one for me. I climbed on his lap and we cranked things up in the living room before heading back to the bed. If I think my work is stressful, his is more. We were having a drink and chatting about it when I arrived. The stress gave him some performance issues but we sidestepped them. Both of us got into the moment. He made sure that I was satisfied and, in turn, I was patient so he ended up cuming. We are learning more and more what turns the other on. He’s asking, I’m asking – the communication continues to expand. I’m learning to communicate what I want and praise the good stuff. He asked me to spend the night, but my son is staying with me, so that’s not an option. I was flattered. I needed to hang around a little to see if my son needed a ride, so we climbed out of bed and Don Juan grabbed his guitar.

I have never had a man sing to me. Don Juan is good, very good. He was in a band during his youth. Here I sit on the couch with a glass of red wine and Don Juan singing to me. Thankfully the lights were low and his head turned away because tears began streaming down my face. Tears continue to pour right now as I write this. Why? I think because of the wonder of having a man think I am so worthy of such a romantic act. It overwhelms me.

He asks me what I want him to play. I ask him for Van Morrison. Then he plays something else and asks for another from me. It’s the final song because I have to go, so I tell him to pick one for me. He picks “Something” and tells me that Frank Sinatra said it was one of the best love songs of all time and Don Juan agrees.

What the heck is going on here? This relationship is evolving into something surprising. It’s definitely more than just sex, but we don’t communicate every day so it’s hard for me to determine his feelings and mine for that matter. We continue to find common ground in many things. I enjoy our time together both in and out of the bedroom.  We have talked about his kids but not his marriage. He’s 8 years older than me, married and leaves next week for a month. Oh dear, oh dear –what am I doing?  At the end of the day, he picked the perfect song because perhaps it tells me all I need to know in such a simple, beautiful way.

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Pressure

You have to learn to pace yourself
Pressure
You’re just like everybody else
Pressure
You’ve only had to run so far
So good
But you will come to a place
Where the only thing you feel
Are loaded guns in your face
And you’ll have to deal with
Pressure

Billy Joel

It is time to get my house in order, my ducks in a row and whatever other metaphor for getting my shit together. I just opened my work email inbox and I have allowed close to 6,000 emails to accumulate in there. What a nightmare – I know this will eventually crash my laptop. My usual number is below 1,000. Yes, I get a lot of emails and usually they are neatly filed away.

Last night I was up late waiting for my son to arrive from a 5-hour drive home from college. It was a wet ride and he had four other friends in the car, so unbeknownst to him, I was a bit worried and then relieved when he bounded in the door. When I finally hit my pillow at 2:00 am, I couldn’t sleep. Suddenly my mind leaped into a full anxiety mode and began running through my list of things to do and it stretched seemingly endlessly. I have to admit that perhaps I am in a full burn-out mode and need a sabbatical. I have been at my work for over 20 years with intermittent vacations and maternity leaves, and my work does take its toll. Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but the stress is relentless. When I was in therapy, my therapist gently questioned me on this. Of course, I blew through her concerns and didn’t much think about it. Now I have to admit, I need to get my shit together professionally and personally on a financial/business level. My procrastination has reached an all-time high and it will end up damaging my reputation which is one of my biggest attributes. ARRRGHH!!

I know that I am rather an impulsive person; I get this from my mom. I marvel at people who can keep a strict routine with little variation, yet, that’s what I need. More discipline in my life, more structure, more routines. On the Saturday after Christmas, I am planning a get together with my girlfriends. We are going to work on vision boards, goals and putting together a 2014 plan. Every year I typically put together a business plan and this year it has sat buried in a drawer. That’s simply awful – what was the point in doing the plan if I am not going to work it? How will I achieve my goals, if I don’t work my plan. My business coach recommends making small changes in order to correct my course. She’s right because if I bite off too much change I will get frazzled and give up. Here is all she is asking of me:

  • One hour of focus per day.
  • Three business development activities.
  • One item of personal business.
  • My addition to this list: exercise every day

If I can work those into a daily routine, I’ll be able to add more to the mix, such as two hours of focus. With numerous meetings around town, dozens of phone calls and emails every day, just those three things will be pushing my discipline, but I have to try. I have to get back on track.

I understand why my attention has wandered. My freedom is over-whelming. No kids, no ties, few responsibilities after so many years. Doing the things I enjoy most is like an addictive drug and the high is so alluring.

During my marriage, my work was my escape, my refuge. I kept working throughout my marriage because it gave me an outlet. Work was where I was appreciated, respected, successful. If I had a shitty exchange with my husband, I could go to work and be appreciated or at least lick my wounds in my peaceful office. Now my home is a peaceful refuge and I love being here. Right now I am happily sitting in a quiet spot of zen in my home with my laptop on my lap and my dog snoring gently beside me. I can hear the birds and feel the peace, but I don’t feel peaceful because I know that I have so much to do. My boss relies on me to be one to pick up the pieces, tie the loose ends and execute our strategies. I am letting him down. I am letting myself down. I must do better. I have to do better. Time to get to work for today; but tomorrow for Thanksgiving, I will take time to reflect on my journey and all the things I have to be thankful for.

Can’t Judge A Book by Its Cover

You can’t judge an apple by looking at the tree,
You can’t judge honey by looking at the bee,
You can’t judge a daughter by looking at the mother,
You can’t judge a book by looking at the cover.

[Chorus]
Oh can’t you see,
Oh, well, you misjudge me.
I look like a farmer,
But I’m a lover

Bo Diddley

I mentioned in an earlier post that I had two losers from Plenty of Fish dish out their dysfunctional crap on me this weekend.  This guy wins second place for the week.

I start with an easy intro message:

I enjoyed reading your profile. Please check out mine, and if you are interested, please send me a message. We live reasonably close to one another.

So here comes Reject Rex:

Thanks for the kind words and interest. We seem to share similar ideas. Particularly the part about enjoying a “frosty beverage” (loooove fruity drinks!!), and preferring not to sit across from each other on a first meet only to then engage in mindless trivial conversation simply to avoid silence.

Although we think along the same lines, I think our lifestyles do not run parallel. What I am really looking for is someone athletic who lives the same healthy lifestyle I choose to live, and has made exercising a daily part of her everyday routine. Of course, it would be important that she participate in the same physical activities that I do: swim, bike, run, yoga, weight training…. Compatibility is at the top of my list of what is needed to maintain a long term relationship.
Thanks again.

Really? Seriously – how the heck does he know anything about me to make those statements? So being in a pissy mood, I fire back:

Thanks for the response. I would suggest that you might want to ask a few more questions before making assumptions about someone’s lifestyle. I’ll be on a 6-mile hike in XXX tomorrow and try to hit the gym 5 days a week for cardio kick boxing and other classes. Yes, I am a work in progress, but aren’t we all? Best of luck in your search.

Then he gets in the last word:

Should be a beautiful day for a walk in the Park. Enjoy….

I need to stop being so nice and really put my bitch hat on, but I doubt it’s worth the energy or time.

It’s the End …. and I Feel Fine

It’s the end of the world as we know it (I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine (It’s time I had some time alone)
I feel fine (I feel fine)

R.E.M.

Just a quick follow up on the demise of the HR relationship. I always need closure – doesn’t everyone? After the fiasco of a weekend where I learned that the relationship that I thought was forming was, in fact, an illusion, I sent HR the following message:

HR,
Here we are a week after my visit. It’s clear that we are in different places in many aspects of our lives. I just want to thank you for all the texts and communication we have shared over the past couple of months. I enjoyed it. The fishing was great and you were a generous host. I wish you nothing but the best as you continue your journey.
Kisses,
Maggie

He responded:

Maggie, how in the hell can you be so articulate so early in the morning? I understand what you are saying and coming from and I realized that I am not in the same place that you saw me when we first met. It’s been a “unique” week for me to say the least and I am sure it was apparent when you visited. I only hope that I was able to have you enjoy a little bit of your time here as my mind was elsewhere. I also understand that we are in different places geographically and in our journeys. You leave a trail of happiness and positive energy behind you and there is only more of that ahead of you. I’d be happy to stay in touch with you if you like. As always, muah.

Nice ending. NEXT!!

Bad to the Bone

I broke a thousand hearts
Before I met you
I’ll break a thousand more, baby
Before I am through
I wanna be yours pretty baby
Yours and yours alone
I’m here to tell ya honey
That I’m bad to the bone
Bad to the bone
B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-Bad
Bad to the bone

George Thorogood and the Destroyers

I’m a Bad Bad Girl Blogger??

wpid-bad-girls-button-2
Wow, really? If only my kids knew! I am so thrilled. Special thanks to The Woman Invisible for the nomination. I have to admit that I have been incredibly surprised and engrossed by the amazing people I have come across since beginning my blog four months ago. I feel so fortunate to have fallen in with a warm, inclusive group of individuals.

So let me play this forward and mention some of the blogs that were among the first I began reading.

Mysocalledadventuresinonlinedating

This gal is simply hilarious. She is in her 30’s and is able to laugh about the ridiculousness of online dating as well as dating in general. She is witty and I love her rational approach to life.

Alicia from JustFollowtheRabbit

Alicia is so cool. She’s artistic and attracts cool guys. Here she is back in the dating game after a 15 year relationship, and she is making it happen. We are about the same age and totally relate to one another’s trials and tribulations.

Sukie Jones from CleanCutAllAmerican

Sukie Jones is one of the first female bloggers I followed. She writes so erotically and emotionally. She bares it all on her journey from a sexless marriage to polyamory to …. you need to read her blog.

Thank you once again and please keep the comments rolling in – that encourages me to write more and more.

RULES: If you are a recipient, please choose 3-5 female bloggers who write about sex (or post sexy pics of them selves, or both) that you admire and award them by passing on the award photo above and the rules. Also, give a brief explanations of why you love those bloggers so much. Be sure to notify your favorite bloggers that they got the award!

Roar

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

Chorus:
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar

Katy Perry

This weekend was very interesting. Since it’s Monday, it’s time for Maggie to have a bitchy Monday rant. This rant will be about one douche bag from Plenty of Fish. Actually I had two and I’ll post about the other guy separately. This person, who will be forever known as Douchebag Dave or DD, deserves his own, very special post because we all are going to have some fun with him. So settle back and prepare for your brain to explode.

I reached out to DD on POF and we had a nice little exchange leading to exchange of phone numbers. We talk on Friday night for 1-1/2 hours and the conversation flowed very easily. Wow, a nice, normal guy on POF. I was quite happy.

POF Slide 4

I go about my business which includes popping back up onto POF to see what’s up and here is my buddy DD. The first part is the earlier conversation about calling him. Then he drops this one.

POF Slide 1

I realize there is a certain awkwardness that occurs after a great chat and you see that person up on the dating site. So I decide to just call it what it is and even attempt to assuage him.

POF Slide 2

Then a hint of the crazy to come begins, but I fail to recognize it.

POF Slide 3

The next morning I awake to a really weird text and for some reason, instead of saying you are crazy (which is beginning to stir around in the recesses of my caffeine deprived mind), I actually try to diffuse the situation. Always the pleaser, aren’t I.

POF Slide 4a

Since he even says that he is teasing me, so I tell my alarm-ringing gut to calm down.

POF Slide 5

Sunday night is our appointed time to chat and make plans for tonight. I had a long day hiking (future post) and then Don Juan asked to come over and massage the cramp in my butt which resulted in a delicious full body massage. When he leaves, I have this lovely jewel waiting for me.

POF Slide 6

This is creepy on all levels. Every time I am online, he is. The guy has a creepy stalker vibe. Plus how dare he attempt to slut shame me when he is doing the same thing. I am pissed. Part of me wants to tell him that after talking on Friday, I sexted with another POF guy until he came, but meh, that buys into his whole theory. OK, I really did sext with a POF guy until he came – no big deal, I don’t want to date him, I just wanted to play and the playing happened on Kik, not POF. But I digress. Let’s get back to the ANGER! You can see that I send him a rational, mature response. No harm, no foul. He responds with this:

POF Slide 7

I WAS BEING TESTED?!  Few women have self control?!  Are you kidding me?! So dear Readers, let’s fuck with this guy. Please comment below your response to this douche bag. We will select the favorite and I will happily text it back to him. Entries will be closed by noon tomorrow. Let the fireworks begin.

Hold On Loosely

And my mind goes back to a girl I left
Long years ago who told me
Just hold on loosely
But don’t let go
If you cling too tightly
You’re gonna lose control

38 Special

I feel the need to write today, however, I am not quite sure where this post will lead. Let me start with the variety of men I have slept with over the past six days. We have the unfulfilling HR, followed by the ever gracious, elegant and giving Don Juan and rounded out with the fun, naughty BG. Interestingly with No-Name and HR out of the picture, I am now down to two FWB’s when this time last week I had four. But I am content for now with these two guys. Notice the words, “content for now”. How long this will last is anyone’s guess. I just realized that tonight is the first night I have been ALONE in weeks. No texting with HR, sexting with DB, no friends over, nor am I going out to meet anyone for …anything. I’m home with only the dog and cat for company. I will admit, it was a bit disconcerting because I felt somehow disconnected until I recognized what was going on. Instead I will embrace this time to continue regaining my balance.

In about two weeks, Don Juan heads out of the country for a month. It will be interesting to see what transpires (or not) during his absence. We had a couple of funny exchanges this week. Don Juan and I are in the same business but with different specialties. It was never likely that we would have ever crossed paths in our day-to-day work until I showed him information on one of my clients. He now is very interested in meeting this client. During our pre-sex chat about work, etc., I showed him the information (nothing proprietary) that triggered his interest. We’ll have that meeting in January when he gets back to town. Then yesterday, he texts me with a possible business referral of his…brother-in-law. I did not ask for the breakdown of the relationship (it could be his sister’s husband, which is my hope) and all he is doing is simply passing along my contact information. I suppose the good news is that he believes I am professional and discreet enough to be trusted. Who knows, perhaps I can make some serious $$ from Ashley Madison. Wouldn’t that be a hoot?!

Then we have BG last night. He’s a trip. We can talk about anything. I tell him about the weekend with HR and he simply stares in disbelief. His response was basically, “Honey, be glad you are rid of him. I cannot imagine having you naked in the bed and not even touch you. That’s just wrong. We’ll take care of that for sure tonight.” We also talk about work stuff and I appreciate his perspective on things. Our current routine (of the past two romps) is that I walk over to a really nice, nearby Italian restaurant so we can have drinks and a bite to eat. Then we drive together back to my place. He brought pot again, but I passed because I had to give a speech today so all my brain cells needed to be fully functioning. We had a great time. He’s relaxing with me, so we both really enjoyed the evening. BG is starting to express some of his desires and they could be fun. We’ll see where it goes. For now the very open candor of this relationship is refreshing.

In other news, I have made perhaps an error in judgment this weekend with my big mouth. Yesterday I was in a sales meeting with my team. My boss’ wife, who is a powerhouse that I adore, was asking if I was going to a networking event. The entire team was headed over. I said no and of course, she needs to know why. I said I had a date. Oh boy, perhaps I should have told her something else. She immediately wants me to bring him to their upcoming 150+ person Holiday party. I said no. She wanted to know how many dates we have had – I tell her this is our third. How did we meet? On-line dating. She wants to know why I wouldn’t even consider bringing him to the party. I tell her he’s not the kind of boy you take home to mother. My exact words. “Why?” She persists. I look her in the eye – “it’s only about sex” and I get in my car and head home. The look on her face was priceless. It was pretty funny because I adore her, but she is sexually pretty naïve. I am sure she will tell my boss, but he cringes at the thought of my personal life, so I have no worries with him. This is the third time this week I have mentioned that I am dating. Perhaps not my smartest move because these are not guys who will be able to be in public with me and my admission of dating opens me up to questions. Questions I am not apt to want to answer. Plus is this really dating? No, not really, so it’s time for me to keep my mouth shut.

But speaking of dating, I popped up onto Plenty of Fish to snoop around a little and see what happens. I am not spending a lot of time on it, but I’ve thrown some bait in the water to see what happens.

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