If I fall you’re going down with me
You’re going down with me baby if I fall
You can’t take back every little chill you give me
You’re going down with me baby heart and all ooh yeah
I have a lot to say so this story will be told in three posts. For Part 1, click here.
So after my conversation with HR about our connection, exclusivity and just the whole jumping into the water thing, I start the next morning by sending HR the above song. He loved it. Then I sat back and thought and wrote the previous post. I spent the day processing it all. Around mid-afternoon, I’m ready to chat.
“I’ve been thinking about us all day and I have some things to tell you to clear the air and keep things honest between us.”
He replies, “That sounds good.”
“I told myself I would never go into another relationship without complete openness and honesty. I have not jumped off the online dating sites until today. Today I will be putting my profiles on hold.” He sends me his horoscopes – folks, these are scarily dead accurate. I continue “OK back to my true confessions – I’m on a roll and might was well get it all out. I have a date tonight to go to a basketball game and I have a lunch tomorrow. There may be some others popping up in the next week or so. I cancelled two others because, well, they turned into tools. “
“I have literally spent all day thinking about our situation – where we are, are we getting ahead of ourselves (I truly hope not), if we progress what do I think about a long-distant exclusive relationship? One thing I do know – I am willing to put all the online shit on hold indefinitely.” I pause and conclude with, “Argh, I feel like I am just puking emotions.”
He responds, “Good”.
I reply, “The puking?”
He counters, “The expressiveness. That’s really not puking.”
Me: “Obviously you can’t see me”
HR: “LOL, Chunky or just bile?”
Me: “For reasons I don’t understand right now, this is hitting a very tender emotional spot in me. I don’t mind the humor, it takes the edge off. But I’m typing this with tears rolling down my face. I don’t quite know why. Obviously I still have shit I need to deal with.”
HR: “OK, thank you for telling me that. I am glad you feel that way because these things are serious. I know that you are like me, I sensed that long ago in that we are deeper inside than we show on the out. We stay busy and active as a distraction. Protection more than a distraction actually… our ‘image’”.
Me: “Exactly. Trust me I take this stuff seriously. I realized I’ve been running on a hamster wheel personally with the online and I need to stop and appreciate what I have discovered – you.”
HR: “I am happy you said that. Why do you feel that way?”
Me: “Which part? I’m a hot mess over here.”
HR: “What have you discovered in me…? Which is also what have you discovered about yourself?”
Me: “Well, I discovered yesterday that sometimes you tell bad jokes. JK.” We banter about the quantity of his bad jokes. Then I return to the question on the table.
Me: “What I discovered about you? The road trip, making plans for a future uncertain. You are kind. You pay attention. You are thoughtful. You are sexy….Find me sexy. We have a similar outlook on life. What I discovered about me? That’s an endless book right now. Today’s lesson is that in spite of my bravado, I’m reaching a point when I am ready for some form of committed relationship although I don’t know what that is at this point or what it will look like.”
Me: “I’m learning that I have way too much to offer to a man so I need to value myself much more.”
HR: “I saw that almost right away. From your Facebook actually.” Yes, we friended each other on FaceBook before we even met so we could check each other out.
Me: “I’m a work on progress. Aren’t we all?”
HR: “Yes. The key word being progress. I would not want to meet or be with a person who is ‘already there’”
In my next post, I let HR read the original post about our initial encounter and you’ll learn about his reaction.