"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

Knock Me Down

It’s so lonely when you don’t even know
Yourself come to me
If you see me getting mighty
If you see me getting high
Knock me down

Red Hot Chili Peppers

Here’s an update on the first 10 days on Ashley Madison. First and foremost, wow. I have never felt so desired, wanted, appreciated, sought after – you name it. I have been gulping down the attention and dedicating huge volumes of time to this. Time I really don’t have, but this flirting and desire is addictive. I am finally taking a step back and focusing on work. Work had become a secondary distraction from what I really want to focus on – AM. This was not good. Then I got suckered punched with three cancellations and a full scale rejection by Skittish which you can read about here. Damn, I thought I had hot sex in the bag with him.  Total reality check.

Hank still wants to hook up, but I have been ignoring him. He almost got lucky this week when I got annoyed and thought about just grabbing the first willing dick available to have a fuck. I resisted.

Why was I annoyed? I agree to meet a guy, R, for a drink. He asks me why am I seeking married guys, I provide my standard answer, the message exchange was respectful, his photos seem good. Nothing outstanding, but he seemed decent. Wrong. What a douche bag. I show up, order a drink and wait about 15 minutes. I’m finishing up drink and thinking about leaving. He pops in from a side door. He’s wearing a Hawaiian shirt over a t-shirt. He looks like a slob. I’m a firm believer in the “only one chance to make a first impression” theory. It’s a one-way conversation of me giving information and receiving none. Then he says he’s late to Zumba and he leaves. Doesn’t pay for my drink. Weirdest thing. The waiter and I look at each other and I said, “Total douchebag, right?” He agreed.

I paid my tab and I was pissed. What a fucking waste of my time. This guy is only a taker. I can see why he’s having problems in his marriage. Then the guy sends me an email “You are so beautiful, I was nervous. The Zumba reference was I had to get back to my wife. I want to see you again.” My first reaction to rip into this guy and explain to him why no woman of any worth will want to have anything to do with him so he should get his lousy ass to a marriage therapist so he can learn to appreciate the poor woman who is chained to him. Then I thought, “Wait, he’s not my problem. Why am I going to waste any additional thought or energy on him? I owe him nothing.” So I simply reply that I didn’t feel any chemistry. Good luck. He appreciated my honesty. Good grief, at least one of us is honest.

Tuesday started out great and Skittish is the reason behind it. You can read about him here. The other highlight of the day was meeting a hot, hot military officer coming in for a conference. Think Val Kilmer in Top Gun (OK, not THAT young). He had sent me some sexy pictures and we were making plans for some fun. After Skittish got me all hot and steamy, the thought of Iceman in the evening was exciting. The possibility of another first – two sexual encounters with two different guys in one day. I was set. Then life began to interfere.

His story was that the conference organizers needed to meet, so he was getting tied up with work. We end up having a drink but he’s tense, and it’s a bit awkward. He tells me to come up to his room, give him 5 minutes to make some calls. I go to the bathroom and think for a minute. I text him and give him an out. I tell him that he’s hot, but I realize he’s under pressure and perhaps he’s not feeing the chemistry. He apologized and then came down and walked me to my car. Shit. He ended up going out with the boys.

That’s when Hank almost got his chance. 2 out of 3 encounters over the past 24 hours were frustrating. For different reasons, but frustrating. I was thinking about just lashing out and grabbing the first, warm body in order to feel validated, but I didn’t. I came back, settled in and texted for a bit with Skittish. Just me and my vibe, but at least I was satisfied.

The next day I was all set to have a romantic dinner with Don Juan, a slightly older (56) wealthy businessman in town. He travels here regularly and was on AM seeking a “lady companion”. He opened with a tasteful email and sent me an electronic flower. OK, it was cheesy, but when I told him he was a bit old, he upped his game. I thought the contrast of some fine dining and wooing would be nice. He asked me to pick the restaurant (I realized that this was a test) and I picked one that won his approval (I am classy and know how to pick expensive). I received an Open Table invite the next morning – very sophisticated. But that morning, he texts me that he has a cold and needed to cancel. WTF. He wants to know when I’ll be back in town (I’m headed on vacation soon), so we are on hold until October. Shit, that’s 3 out of 4 were duds. I immediately IM Iceman that my plans were cancelled so I was free. He wasn’t. We end up at the end of the night sexting. Apparently I tell great stories via text because he sent me an awesome cum shot. He is so hot – it would have been great. Too bad, he’s back home…but he does continue to IM.

So I spend Wednesday night writing the post about my affair during my marriage. Folks, that one took a lot out of me. I’ve been oozing tears ever since. I feel vulnerable and tender – not good in my profession, but we have to deal with it. Then I go have lunch with my retired mentor. We have a great time until the end of the lunch. My boss is overdue to pay her some $$ due. I was supposed to deliver the check. My fucking lame ass assistant couldn’t get her shit together so no checks. My mentor was furious (never mess with a person’s money) and the lunch ends on a completely sour note. I head over to my office so I can sulk in private. Not to be, in walks one of my colleagues. What do I do, cry. Yes, this hard-hitting professional woman decides to ooze tears in front of a tough, practical guy. Good grief. I recover, he’s kind, but good grief WTF is wrong with me??? My upcoming vacation is happening none too soon….


Comments on: "Knock Me Down" (2)

  1. You may not agree, but I think you’re on a roll. It’ll be tough to keep up


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