"Love My Way, It's a New Road"

My Bells are Ringing

The night is young and full of possibilities
Well, come on and let yourself be free
My love for you, so long I’ve been savin’
(Love for you, love for you)
Tonight was made for me and you

You can ring my bell, ring my bell
(Ring my bell, ding-dong-ding, ah)
You can ring my bell, ring my bell
(Ring my bell, ring-a-ling-a-ling)

Anita Ward

I am in a full commission job, so I spend time keeping myself motivated.  I was re-reading my journal to review my journey over the past year of breaking out of my marriage.  There is a passage by Napoleon Hill that really resonates with me.

“When the ties that bind a human mind are broken and a woman is introduced to herself – the real self that has no limitations – I fancy that the gates of Hell shake with fear and the bells of Heaven ring with joy!”

Now that I don’t have someone telling me what I CAN’T do, my world has opened up.  I spend time with people doing things I couldn’t have done during my marriage.  My ex would criticize or obstruct my ability to form relationships outside of our marriage and his friends.  Throughout the 25 years, any “Me” time was soundly curbed.  “You want me to babysit?” was a constant refrain or some disparaging remark about one of my friends.  Really, how does a father babysit his own children?  He wore me down because my goal was a dual-parent household for my kids.

But now looking forward, I see uncharted waters ahead.  Work, although interesting and challenging as always, often isn’t my primary focus.  I have the flexibility to work whenever I want and however I want but with great freedom comes great responsibility.  I need to make sure my business development is going along because I have a very long sales cycle.   What I do today affects me in 12-18 months, not tomorrow.   At the same time, I want to truly explore my freedom and most importantly, my emerging sexuality.  I think I hear my bells ringing….

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