“But you’d better watch your step, girl
Or start living with your mother
So don’t play with me, ’cause you’re playing with fire”
Last night is a good example of me playing with fire.
Background: I’ve been up on Plenty of Fish (POF) for a couple of weeks and having good success. I’ve had two first dates and another lined up for this Friday as well as some others nibbling at my bait. The two first dates were both very nice men, but not for me. No chemistry (this is mutual) but we had an enjoyable lunch and left it at that. Then we have Mr. Dos Equis.
I call him Dos Equis man because he wrote a long, hilarious profile full of ridiculous claims that were simply absurd. “I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Cooperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.” That’s only a small sampling of the 4-5 paragraphs of absurdity. It made me laugh and I emailed him that he competed with the Dos Equis man as the most interesting man in the world.
We banter a bit back and forth for a couple of days. I’m the eternal optimist looking for sunshine and unicorns. Oh yes, I know the double entendre of unicorn but I was using it in a very innocent context while enjoying the double entendre. Then we dive a bit deeper and he wants to text me directly, off the site. OK, but I want to see some photos because his POF photos obscure his face a bit (yes, that’s a red flag). He does have a cute butt and I tell him.
Meanwhile I have DB, the high school buddy, texting me so basically I’m having two conversations at once. DB suggests I ask Dos Equis if he has tats. Yes, he has 5. Personally, I think that’s kinda hot because right now it would be fun to play with a bad boy. He’s a former football player — hot, but small red flag. Former cop – also small red flag – why former? First is a good photo of him – smiling, physically my type of guy. Excellent. Then I ask why doesn’t he put this on his profile? He says that he gets accused of being married (hey, where there is smoke…..) Then BOOM – naked shot. He’s on his stomach, selfie to show me his tat on his arm, smiley face covering his cute butt. Well, that was surprising and my first naked selfie (I’m flattered). Then I get another very sexy selfie of his reflection in his glass shower door with his goodies tastefully disguised by the black tile within the shower. In recapping with my girlfriends, we all wonder how many shots it took to get that one.
During the course of the week, we get explicit. What we like, what we’ve done, etc. I warn him that I will not be jumping in the sack with him on the first meeting. I also tell him that while I talk a good game, I’ll probably end up being shy. He says he just wants to know if we are “sexually compatible”. Right….. That’s OK, I’m having fun.
Now, night of the selfies, DB becomes alarmed and calls. Be careful he warns me. Yep. This guy looks like a real creeper. Yep, I agree. When I try to check this guy out, I can’t find anything on him. Probably because he’s a former cop. Also he claims he doesn’t have a Facebook page or LinkedIn. I think, today, that he does have a FB because he was telling me about photos from a Saturday night party he didn’t go to but it looked like fun. Where else would you see these if not on FB?
He lives about 2 hours from me. We decide to meet halfway around 4:30-5:00 on Friday. I tell him I have to be back to meet with girlfriends at 7:00. I want to keep him in a box of time constraints. Keep in mind that we have only texted primarily and spoken only once. Friday morning comes and he calls. He’s sick – either he’s an acting genius or he truly had a nasty cold (he did sound really sick). Meeting cancelled. I can’t re-schedule over the weekend. So now we are postponed until next weekend.
We’ve had some sexy hard-core texting. I have a no photo policy so I send no photos of myself but he sends sexy shots (headless) of him walking naked around his pool and the like. Last night I got myself off twice while texting with him. Very sexy. It will be interesting to see where this leads….