I was looking at my little weight loss notebook last week as I noted my weight and measurements (steady downward trend, thank you very much). I flipped through the pages and then I jumped into MyFitness Pal which I have used intermittently since 2011. I separated from my Ex in June 2013. In August 2013, I weighed 194.4. Today I am 202.
Between 2013 and today my weight has been as low as 162 to as high as 210. Roughly a 100 pound swing. Ugh. Un-fucking-believable.
What happened? Oh, I know what happened.
- Stress: Ugh, all the work stress of trying to crank up my own company, trying to juggle my meager finances, being the primary breadwinner, realizing I was not making money and living beyond my means. The stress of job hunting and figuring out my next career move. Yeah, all that stress resulted in me feeding my emotions. Nothing like sugar (and alcohol) to get a good solid dopamine hit when you are depressed. Add in some cannabis to get the munchies cranked up and we’ve got a solid party going on….
- I stopped going to the gym. Ugh, worse thing for me. I got lazy and enjoyed snuggling with the Hunter. Later the walks with him and the Kracken were nice, but not enough. I need solo, dedicated workout time. I need strength/resistance training to build my muscles and keep my metabolism chugging along at a decent clip. Yes, I know lots of weight loss experts say it is primarily diet, but I need the metabolism boost due to my sedentary work.
- The Hunter’s cooking. Yes, I loved his cooking, however, he is a “meat & potatoes” guy. Fries food, heavy carbs, red meat, processed meats. I clearly remember very early in our relationship thinking “Oh dear, will I be OK with this?” Clearly the answer is NO.
Now I don’t want anyone to think I am blaming the Hunter for my weight gain. It is 110% my fault. I put the food in my mouth and became a couch potato. I needed to advocate more for myself in certain situations. I let him reign in the kitchen because I enjoyed being taken care of, however, the result was not good for me.
These days I cook all of my food. I mean all and from scratch. I have very few processed foods if any. I very rarely eat out because a) it’s expensive right now and b) I need to monitor and control what I am eating. My sugar cravings are virtually gone. I don’t want cookies or sweets. I had a small container of ice cream in my freezer since November, I barely touched it and finally chucked it out a couple of weeks ago. I have 1-2 chocolate squares after dinner and that’s fine for dessert. I don’t want more. My veggie and fruit consumption has increased dramatically. The past two weeks I reduced my carbs and saw immediate results.
I need to live alone for awhile. Quite awhile. I need the control of my environment. I need to stick to my new steady habits. This is working.